Outside, the bouncers stand with their backs to the main entrance looking over the city square. It is the ideal vantage point from which to retrace the flight of Sarfraz Najeib as he ran from his attackers towards the church bearing the message: "Salvation for all". But these were no ordinary assailants. Among the accused were footballers Jonathan Woodgate, who has been found guilty of affray, and Lee Bowyer, who has been cleared of all charges. Though race was ruled out as a motive in the retrial of Woodgate, Bowyer and two other men, the case came as a blow to the club which has spent more than a decade struggling to shake off a reputation as one of the most racist in Britain.

As a leader who constantly rails against the nefarious effects of colonialism, imperialism, racism and international capital on developing countries - often correctly but always cynically - Mugabe would not appear to be a natural cheerleader for US military campaigns. But when it comes to combating terror the US president could have no finer friend. "We agree with President Bush that anyone who in any way finances, harbours or defends terrorists is himself a terrorist," says Jonathan Moyo, Mugabe's mouthpiece. "We, too, will not make any difference between terrorists and their friends and supporters."

Sadly, the row between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown has none of this. It offers none of the tawdry prurience of a tabloid narrative - give me Dwight and Jordan any day - nor the fissure of a fundamental theoretical rift. It is telling that a government reshuffle is always accompanied by a fact box of who is on Blair's side and who is on Brown's - these crucial differences would be completely lost on the outside world without the extra information about who is in whose camp.